Increasingly, I hear from people who have had a romantic breakup, complaining about bad energy leftover from the relationship. Not infrequently, the person who contacts me has a distressing and obsessive fixation on the previous love interest, even though it was an unhealthy and damaging relationship.
Notwithstanding the important psychological aspects of romantic obsession, a romantic union—emotional and sexual—is not just about an attachment between bodies and personalities, but is equally about auric, energetic entwining. In other words, it is about the entanglement of spiritual energy.
While the psychological aspects of obsessive fixations and thoughts certainly need to be taken into account, this is an article that deals with spiritual energy entanglement which is a very important factor since it is rarely recognized and always present. While a brief article can only contain a limited amount of information, I will provide a few key pointers on how you can get rid of negative energy that is rooted in a past romance. (If you are experiencing negative energy from a present romance, get out of the relationship now and…take your energy with you!)
What many people fail to realize is that all romantic relationships start out with a lighted fuse! This fire of passion lights up the backdrop of an artificial stage that confuses non-adaptive players later in the act when the scene goes from bad to worse, when one of the players in the love drama remains stubbornly stuck on the exciting script of the opening act. “He is so wonderful, she is so perfect…he gave me so much attention…he said he loved me…she said she needed me…he texted me every day…she said she loved me…he talked about marriage”…and so on. The problem with these hot romantic fuses is that they are very short and they burn out fast, and when they do, the deteriorating relationship is obvious to everyone but the one who fell for it. All too often, our hopes and fantasies get the better of us and we are “all in”. We don’t use reason or good judgment, we don’t stop to think that the “perfect” beginning of the relationship could be all flash and no substance, certain to go dark as fast as it flared.
Thus, everyone needs to understand that the beginning of a romance is no measure of its merit.
The Mystery of Romantic Attraction
Needless to say, romantic attraction is a force of Nature. It is also a metaphysical force, an unseen and unknowable magnetism that often defies logic or reason and can impel people to feel, perceive. and believe things that they otherwise wouldn’t.
While the metaphysically-minded will attribute these more mysterious love connections to past lives or a “soul-mate connection”, this is cliché reasoning, unreliable and often incorrect. Once these ideas are accepted, right or wrong, they serve as misdirected encouragement that throws caution and reason to the wind. By believing there is an inevitability to the relationship, the person is subversively encouraged to become involved whether or not the love interest is viable. Spiritual beliefs and high-strangeness experiences are very common instigators of romantic fixations and they are not always of of Divine intent. Therefore, a warning to readers: proceed with great caution, allowing plenty of time, trial, and reason. Be long to look and slow to jump because there is far more spiritual subterfuge at work in these love attractions than is commonly recognized, especially directed at the uninformed and spiritually naive.
When I say love attraction is a metaphysical force I mean exactly that: there are unseen spiritual forces at work in the making of inappropriate relationships, in love fixations and imaginary love relationships. When we bond with those who are not good for us, or prematurely start a one-sided “spiritual”, non-physical love affair (often driven by complicated psychological factors) there are always negative spiritual forces standing by, prompting us to do so. They take full advantage of our self-ignorance. The job of negative energy is to deceive us. It gives us stumbling blocks meant to dilute, or weaken, our personal potential, to drain away our life force and cause unnecessary suffering in our lives.
Sorting all of this out takes time, careful thought, and plenty of trial, so if you throw yourself into a romantic entanglement too fast; or if you are one of the many who has been prompted to convince yourself a relationship exists when one does not, you’re asking…begging…for trouble.
From the spiritual perspective, we should know that every human life enters this plane of existence as a temporary resident on this planet, with a set amount of time allotted for the Soul’s mission. Time spent in superfluous and unhealthy relationships will divert one’s attention away from one’s real purpose in life, when that time could be spent in meaningful growth that would eventually lead to the discovery of love, with or without a partner.
Unfortunately, young people have been improperly taught by a soul-sick society and they get into romantic relationships that will later fail…because the choice of partners was not right to begin with. But if young people are taught to understand that the rush of desire and the feelings of being “connected” to someone do not mean that the relationship is one of “destiny”, and if they were made aware that these powerful feelings are not evidence that the relationship is right for them, not some “sign” it is “meant to be”, many broken hearts and life mistakes would be avoided.
Thus, everyone should know that The First Law of Romantic Attraction is this: Having no relationship is better than having a wrong relationship.
Which brings up a very important and little-known truth: there is absolutely nothing wrong or defective about being “single”. Finding a romantic partner, in fact, is not the destiny of every person! Those without partners are not abnormal. They may very well be living their lives more authentically, more sanely, than most of the rest. If you could only know how much sexual attraction is a hidden opportunity to manipulate your life and frankly, ruin it, you would be much less cavalier about your love ambitions. So I say again, having no relationship is better than having a wrong relationship!
Too many of us believe that we need a romantic partner because we have to have one to be okay. Negative energy will come into your life when you hook up with the wrong person just because it’s someone to hook up with. Learn to find yourself first, to become a whole and balanced individual before you try to find yourself through the attention of a romantic partner.
For those who are in recovery from a bad relationship, for those who have already crossed that line and are struggling to repair themselves, it’s time to think in new ways. To break free of your suffering, negative, circular thoughts and to erase those entrenched, cultural patterns that make bad romantic choices possible, you will have to think in new ways. You will need to make some positive changes.
The Need for Love…and the Pain of Rejection
Most human beings have a fundamental, divinely implanted longing for love, both to give love and to receive it. Unfortunately, our culture teaches us early on that this is to be found in a romantic and sexual relationship, so that’s what people are looking for. “Mr. Right” and “The Woman of My Dreams” are the euphemisms we use for that “perfect” partner, and countless unattached millions spend much of their waking days thinking about finding their romantic ideal. It’s a favorite dreamy distraction but can also be an elusive, often frustrating pursuit. It’s not “easy” to find the “right” person who checks all the boxes on our list, so…many people latch onto a warm body instead and then do everything they can think of to make their imaginary relationship into what it isn’t, and what it will never be. Sooner or later, all of this artificial “forcing” and play-acting causes traumatic breakups, and leaves us with negative energy attachments that came along for the ride.
Tragically, we have not been made fully cognizant of the fact that the longing for romantic love is primarily an imbedded biological instinct for species reproduction, with an added emotional component not experienced in other species. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, is that our longing to find “our other half” is a deeply buried spiritual and psychological drive for the integration of ourselves…an important consideration when you want to know what you are really looking for when you’re looking for love.
I will briefly point out that our need to integrate ourselves into a whole and complete person is a lifelong quest, causing us to morph, mature, and change over time. The changes that occur within people are what often causes a marriage of many years to dissolve, as partners inevitably grow apart. This is a natural and healthy dynamic of human growth, a holistic breakup this article is not meant to address. Even so, these painful situations are met with resistance, denial, feelings of rejection, and all of the negative responses explored in this article.
Whether a relationship is mature and established or a flash-in-the-pan fling, one of the most common energetic knots that tie a person to an “ex” is the rejection fixation. Whether the person was “abandoned” or “replaced” by a romantic competitor, or just “dumped”, the person that’s been replaced struggles with feeling rejected. This leads to a whole troupe of misdirected thinking and unjustified woundedness, such as “Why did he leave me for her? He has to come back! When will he realize this and leave her? I’m the one that’s right for him and I know it!”
The rejection fixation is a terrible state of mind. It leads to false blame, vitriol, hideous jealously, stalking, denial, dissociation from reality with mental imbalance and more…and terrible, awful, negative energy. To get free of this, we need to live by the Second Law of romantic attraction.
The Second Law of Romantic Attraction is this: If the relationship isn’t right for one person, it isn’t right for the other person, either.
When we argue with reality we suffer. And the reality is, you haven’t been rejected. Life cut you a break, it got you out of a bad deal. It’s time to hold your fantasies up to the light because somewhere in there, you lost touch with reality. If it was bad enough for you to “get dumped” then it wasn’t right for you, either. Count yourself fortunate! And let go, just move on.
Negative energy will come into your life when you mourn that which you should not.
Why Doesn’t My Love Change This Person?! —Or, Why Your Love Doesn’t Turn a Snake into a Kitten
Girls are raised with romantic modeling based on Cinderella fairy tales and boys are taught…nothing. All they know is their hormones and their mother-relationship, or the lack of one. They, like the girls, start out their romantic lives flying blind and this is a social disgrace. By the time they grow into adults, both genders can be so romantically conflicted, so driven by ego misdirection and spiritual insufficiency that like their parents, they are also incapable of teaching their own children about romantic love. —And the beat goes on. Generation after generation, human beings are not told a whit of truth about love, romantic or otherwise. Most people go to their graves without ever figuring it out.
You, too, with negative energy left over from a failed romance, have been a victim of ignorance. It’s time to change all that.
Men and women have little-to-no understanding of one another. They really are different kinds of humans. Women mistakenly believe that men think like them, and men are completely baffled by female irrationality, often overwhelmed by the fantasy-based expectations and the outright ownership that many women require. There is often a meeting of body parts without a meeting of the minds. Come to know that you cannot expect a woman to think like a man and you cannot expect a man to feel the way a woman feels. You have to learn to be open to, and understand, the other person’s point of view. And then―don’t argue with them about their position and do not carry an argument about it in your own mind.
We have to make sure our mutual communications with a romantic partner are frequent, truthful, and “on the same page.” Daydreams and wishes—including calling a psychic to find out what the other person is thinking about you so you can strengthen your illusion— are worse than useless. When you are not talking with a “partner” in person…then you are having a relationship in your head. Stop doing that. And…when it all goes South on you, take a look at what happened: could you have made this relationship up in your mind? Many times, many times…we do exactly that. Which means we grieve for something that never really was. This openly invites negative energy into our lives.
Whether a man or a woman, people in a break-up will often show great ignorance about the reason for the relationship failure. “I was so good to her!” “I love him so much!” “Why doesn’t my love change him!?” the woman wails. “Why doesn’t my love heal and save her?” the man laments, because society has taught him that’s what a good, lovable guy does.
Relationships today commonly consist of a giver and a taker instead of two people who give-and-take, which is necessary for a positive relationship. Seldom do we see equality in that department because the fact is, the overwhelming majority of romantic relationships are dysfunctional, even when they look good on the surface.
An imbalance of give and take is an imbalance of power. One partner has power over the other, which makes the other partner dis-empowered. Not a healthy situation, to say the least, making both of them losers in the bargain. And while women who link up with psychopaths and narcissists and abusers make the mistake of looking for a “strong man” or a “charming romantic” (woe the fairy tale fallacy!) men at the same level of psychological development will look for an emotional wreck or a helpless maiden to rescue. And of course, there is the woman who looks for a wounded man and the man who looks for the femme fatale, as well. These choices say a lot about our personal dysfunctions but they have nothing to do with love. They do reveal how often we confuse “imitation love” for the real thing.
Love cannot change a snake into a kitten. Nature made both snakes and kittens and each species has their own right to be, regardless of our opinion or intervention. I know people who hate snakes so much they would try to turn every one into a kitten, if they thought they could. And when it comes to romantic relationships, there are countless men and women involved with unloving, damaged, or psychopathic partners who are trying to do something very similar to this: change them into what they are not. Now, if you treat a rattlesnake like a kitten, you might not like what happens.
The person you hook up with is what he or she is. Come to know what he or she is before you get involved and before you invest your heart and soul into a relationship. Don’t get involved with someone that’s too flawed right now to be a good partner and think your love will change them, over time. It will not. Your fantasies and denials are not reality and they will cause you to suffer, leaving your auric body wide open to negative spiritual influence.
The Third Law of Romantic Attraction is this: If you argue with reality you will suffer. It is what it is.
Respect what is…and don’t fantasize about what it might be or could have been. You cannot make a person into what they are not, no matter how much emotion you feel for them. Next time, align yourself with a partner that is equal, openly willing, ready, and whole. Or take a pass.
To Let Go, You Don’t “Need to Understand” and You Don’t “Need to be Understood”
One of the biggest obstacles to getting over a romantic breakup is the “I have to understand!!” and the “I need to be understood” chorus. Oh, yes, it’s a song, all right, a kind of funeral dirge, played out in the lives of millions of people every minute of every day. Like the old tale about the Pied Piper of Hamelin who spirited away young children into a cave, this is a song that mesmerizes lonely hearts, seducing them into wandering away from the safety of daylight reality into a mental prison of their own making.
Even when they are told the logical and inescapable reasons why the relationship ended, people won’t hear it; they will still assert that they don’t understand. The obvious reasons for the breakup can be understood by an objective observer but not by the lovelorn. And how is it that you can give someone every reason the relationship failed, show them the undeniable facts, but they still don’t understand? Obviously, the problem has nothing to do with an understanding of why the relationship went wrong. Here, it is a matter of exegetics…unmasking the true meaning of what they say. They say they need to understand but the truth is, that’s not what they want. What they want is for the harsh reality associated with the breakup to go away. What they don’t understand…is why it won’t.
Unmasking what you’re really seeking, then, is to realize that the understanding you need is to understand yourself, instead of the other person. How did you let this relationship happen? How did you contribute to this situation? Why did you choose to give your heart to this person? What does this experience teach you about yourself? How can you help yourself grow beyond this disappointment and make better choices next time?
Something good has come from this. It’s up to you to discover that; to give credit where it is due, and be thankful for the experience.
When you can’t accept closure unless you can “understand” things, this doesn’t mean that closure hasn’t already happened. It has. It’s done. The relationship is over and it isn’t your right to declare it unfinished when the other person has chosen to exit. Your lack of understanding, then, is not a justification for hanging on…for not letting go.
In this case, you could easily become a negative energy generator, radiating unwanted attention to your “ex” and thus, send out negative energy to him or her. You may be engaging in psychic stalking as you obsess, and wonder, and hope-against-hope that things will change. This in turn will fill your own energy body with lower frequencies, which manifest as bad energy in your life. You will become the energy that you generate, so beware of feeling justified in your resentment, rage, self-pity, and bitterness.
Once again, relationships don’t need your permission or understanding in order to end. Love cannot be negotiated. It is not a treaty. It is not something to be contested. That’s just the way it is.
The end of this relationship is not the end of the world. If you refuse to let go, if you insist on being stuck, life will move along without you, the other person will move along without you…everything will move ahead…but you will be sitting there, stuck, stuck in your self-imposed misery with negative energy to keep you company.
Fortunately, life will teach us that our petulant insistence holding on to what does not belong to us, gets us nowhere. We are not rewarded for this behavior and no one is listening to our self-pity, anyway. We could save ourselves a lot of wasted time by not going there in the first place, and live by the Fourth Law of romantic attraction, instead.
The Fourth Law of Romantic Attraction is this: Every Soul is a sovereign, free being. A love relationship does not give either partner ownership over the other. Your consent to end a relationship is never required.
Your understanding and acceptance is not required. You and the other person have every right to end the relationship without acceptance or approval by the other. You and the other partner have a spiritual, moral, and ethical responsibility to let go with grace, without bitterness, and without projecting injurious energy onto the other or into yourself.
Genuine love cannot, does not, and will not ever intentionally injure another person, including an “ex”. If you cannot refrain from negative projection, then you didn’t love that person…at all…and you certainly have no rightful claim over them.
Energy Cleansing for Failed Relationships
Your emotions influence your energy field, and upsetting emotions over a romantic breakup will at least temporarily lower your psychic shields. Prolonged negative emotions will have a more harmful effect so in knowing this, perhaps you’ll be more motivated to not linger but to move forward and get your life back on track.
Depending on the depth of your involvement with a past partner, it may not be just your own energy that you have to contend with. Energetic entwining from strong emotional attachment and sexual contact can lead to transference of negative energy from the person that you were with. If you suspect this has happened, then you can begin to clear out this unwanted energy through several methods.
1. Take back your power.
Remember who you used to be before this relationship and reconnect to the way you were before this person came into your life. Be your individual self again!! Envision your life without the old partner. Reinforce your independence of thought, life habits, and discontinue any emotional dependencies you had as well as removing thoughts, reminiscences, and dates of special occasions specific to that person. In time, once you are healed and have your power back, thinking about this person occasionally, without emotional attachment, should not have a negative influence over you.
2. Pull your energy away from the former lover.
To sever psychic connections and to heal, don’t let yourself think about that person because your energy flows out with your thoughts, which in this case will strengthen the energetic knots that keep the energetic association intact. Imagine in your mind that you are “pulling” all of your energy out of, and away from this person, and see yourself taking back all the parts of yourself that you gave away. Say out loud, “I sever all ties to this person, I call my energy back into myself. I demand that any energy from this person that is attached to me, be removed from me, and returned to their owner.” Avoid places you went together, remove reminders, that person’s belongings and gifts, and scrub your environment of those influences.
3. Cleanse your aura.
Unless medically contraindicated, take salt baths daily, up to two weeks, to clear your head and cleanse your aura. Use ½ cup of regular sodium table salt (not Epsom salts, which is magnesium) per tub of water. Have a daily meditation as a spiritual practice. Reach out to your own Soul, the innermost Divine aspect of you, for cleansing, protection, and healing. Have a sacred cleansing ceremony, using sage smoke to clean your aura. Put your emotions in a positive polarity and think positive, hopeful things about your life. Do healthy things that make you feel happy, energetic, and peaceful again.
One last thing: even with the greatest care taken, even with conscientious dating practices and sincere reciprocal emotional involvement, love relationships can fail. There are no guarantees. This is life. Love is a risk that we take because the expression of love is central to our true Being. Succeed or fail, these relationships contain the mighty power to make us grow, expand, mature, and evolve. In the end, we are better for the experience. In situations of genuine love, the Divine has been the supernatural force at work in our lives, opening us to the discovery of our Souls through the transformation of our hearts, and the inestimable lessons that come with the joys and sorrows of love.
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