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How to Get Rid of Negative Energy from a Romantic Relationship Gone Bad

Notwithstanding the important psychological aspects of romantic obsession, a romantic union—emotional and sexual—is not just about an attachment between bodies and personalities, but is equally about auric, energetic entwining. In other words, it is about the entanglement of spiritual energy.

Negative Energy from Romantic RelationshipsIncreasingly, I hear from people who have had a romantic breakup, complaining about bad energy leftover from the relationship. Not infrequently, the person who contacts me has a distressing and obsessive fixation on the previous love interest, even though it was an unhealthy and damaging relationship.

Notwithstanding the important psychological aspects of romantic obsession, a romantic union—emotional and sexual—is not just about an attachment between bodies and personalities, but is equally about auric, energetic entwining. In other words, it is about the entanglement of spiritual energy.

While the psychological aspects of obsessive fixations and thoughts certainly need to be taken into account, this is an article that deals with spiritual energy entanglement which is a very important factor since it is rarely recognized and always present. While a brief article can only contain a limited amount of information, I will provide a few key pointers on how you can get rid of negative energy that is rooted in a past romance. (If you are experiencing negative energy from a present romance, get out of the relationship now and…take your energy with you!)

What many people fail to realize is that all romantic relationships start out with a lighted fuse! This fire of passion lights up the backdrop of an artificial stage that confuses non-adaptive players later in the act when the scene goes from bad to worse, when one of the players in the love drama remains stubbornly stuck on the exciting script of the opening act. “He is so wonderful, she is so perfect…he gave me so much attention…he said he loved me…she said she needed me…he texted me every day…she said she loved me…he talked about marriage”…and so on. The problem with these hot romantic fuses is that they are very short and they burn out fast, and when they do, the deteriorating relationship is obvious to everyone but the one who fell for it. All too often, our hopes and fantasies get the better of us and we are “all in”. We don’t use reason or good judgment, we don’t stop to think that the “perfect” beginning of the relationship could be all flash and no substance, certain to go dark as fast as it flared.

Thus, everyone needs to understand that the beginning of a romance is no measure of its merit.

The Mystery of Romantic Attraction

Needless to say, romantic attraction is a force of Nature. It is also a metaphysical force, an unseen and unknowable magnetism that often defies logic or reason and can impel people to feel, perceive. and believe things that they otherwise wouldn’t.

While the metaphysically-minded will attribute these more mysterious love connections to past lives or a “soul-mate connection”, this is cliché reasoning, unreliable and often incorrect. Once these ideas are accepted, right or wrong, they serve as misdirected encouragement that throws caution and reason to the wind. By believing there is an inevitability to the relationship, the person is subversively encouraged to become involved whether or not the love interest is viable. Spiritual beliefs and high-strangeness experiences are very common instigators of romantic fixations and they are not always of of Divine intent. Therefore, a warning to readers: proceed with great caution, allowing plenty of time, trial, and reason. Be long to look and slow to jump because there is far more spiritual subterfuge at work in these love attractions than is commonly recognized, especially directed at the uninformed and spiritually naive.

When I say love attraction is a metaphysical force I mean exactly that: there are unseen spiritual forces at work in the making of inappropriate relationships, in love fixations and imaginary love relationships. When we bond with those who are not good for us, or prematurely start a one-sided “spiritual”, non-physical love affair (often driven by complicated psychological factors) there are always negative spiritual forces standing by, prompting us to do so. They take full advantage of our self-ignorance. The job of negative energy is to deceive us. It gives us stumbling blocks meant to dilute, or weaken, our personal potential, to drain away our life force and cause unnecessary suffering in our lives.

Sorting all of this out takes time, careful thought, and plenty of trial, so if you throw yourself into a romantic entanglement too fast; or if you are one of the many who has been prompted to convince yourself a relationship exists when one does not, you’re asking…begging…for trouble.

From the spiritual perspective, we should know that every human life enters this plane of existence as a temporary resident on this planet, with a set amount of time allotted for the Soul’s mission. Time spent in superfluous and unhealthy relationships will divert one’s attention away from one’s real purpose in life, when that time could be spent in meaningful growth that would eventually lead to the discovery of love, with or without a partner.

Unfortunately, young people have been improperly taught by a soul-sick society and they get into romantic relationships that will later fail…because the choice of partners was not right to begin with. But if young people are taught to understand that the rush of desire and the feelings of being “connected” to someone do not mean that the relationship is one of “destiny”, and if they were made aware that these powerful feelings are not evidence that the relationship is right for them, not some “sign” it is “meant to be”, many broken hearts and life mistakes would be avoided.

Thus, everyone should know that The First Law of Romantic Attraction is this: Having no relationship is better than having a wrong relationship.

Which brings up a very important and little-known truth: there is absolutely nothing wrong or defective about being “single”. Finding a romantic partner, in fact, is not the destiny of every person! Those without partners are not abnormal. They may very well be living their lives more authentically, more sanely, than most of the rest. If you could only know how much sexual attraction is a hidden opportunity to manipulate your life and frankly, ruin it, you would be much less cavalier about your love ambitions. So I say again, having no relationship is better than having a wrong relationship!

Too many of us believe that we need a romantic partner because we have to have one to be okay. Negative energy will come into your life when you hook up with the wrong person just because it’s someone to hook up with. Learn to find yourself first, to become a whole and balanced individual before you try to find yourself through the attention of a romantic partner.

For those who are in recovery from a bad relationship, for those who have already crossed that line and are struggling to repair themselves, it’s time to think in new ways. To break free of your suffering, negative, circular thoughts and to erase those entrenched, cultural patterns that make bad romantic choices possible, you will have to think in new ways. You will need to make some positive changes.

The Need for Love…and the Pain of Rejection

Most human beings have a fundamental, divinely implanted longing for love, both to give love and to receive it. Unfortunately, our culture teaches us early on that this is to be found in a romantic and sexual relationship, so that’s what people are looking for. “Mr. Right” and “The Woman of My Dreams” are the euphemisms we use for that “perfect” partner, and countless unattached millions spend much of their waking days thinking about finding their romantic ideal. It’s a favorite dreamy distraction but can also be an elusive, often frustrating pursuit. It’s not “easy” to find the “right” person who checks all the boxes on our list, so…many people latch onto a warm body instead and then do everything they can think of to make their imaginary relationship into what it isn’t, and what it will never be. Sooner or later, all of this artificial “forcing” and play-acting causes traumatic breakups, and leaves us with negative energy attachments that came along for the ride.

Tragically, we have not been made fully cognizant of the fact that the longing for romantic love is primarily an imbedded biological instinct for species reproduction, with an added emotional component not experienced in other species. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, is that our longing to find “our other half” is a deeply buried spiritual and psychological drive for the integration of ourselves…an important consideration when you want to know what you are really looking for when you’re looking for love.

I will briefly point out that our need to integrate ourselves into a whole and complete person is a lifelong quest, causing us to morph, mature, and change over time. The changes that occur within people are what often causes a marriage of many years to dissolve, as partners inevitably grow apart. This is a natural and healthy dynamic of human growth, a holistic breakup this article is not meant to address. Even so, these painful situations are met with resistance, denial, feelings of rejection, and all of the negative responses explored in this article.

Whether a relationship is mature and established or a flash-in-the-pan fling, one of the most common energetic knots that tie a person to an “ex” is the rejection fixation. Whether the person was “abandoned” or “replaced” by a romantic competitor, or just “dumped”, the person that’s been replaced struggles with feeling rejected. This leads to a whole troupe of misdirected thinking and unjustified woundedness, such as “Why did he leave me for her? He has to come back! When will he realize this and leave her? I’m the one that’s right for him and I know it!”

The rejection fixation is a terrible state of mind. It leads to false blame, vitriol, hideous jealously, stalking, denial, dissociation from reality with mental imbalance and more…and terrible, awful, negative energy. To get free of this, we need to live by the Second Law of romantic attraction.

The Second Law of Romantic Attraction is this: If the relationship isn’t right for one person, it isn’t right for the other person, either.

When we argue with reality we suffer. And the reality is, you haven’t been rejected. Life cut you a break, it got you out of a bad deal. It’s time to hold your fantasies up to the light because somewhere in there, you lost touch with reality. If it was bad enough for you to “get dumped” then it wasn’t right for you, either. Count yourself fortunate! And let go, just move on.

Negative energy will come into your life when you mourn that which you should not.

Why Doesn’t My Love Change This Person?!Or, Why Your Love Doesn’t Turn a Snake into a Kitten

Girls are raised with romantic modeling based on Cinderella fairy tales and boys are taught…nothing. All they know is their hormones and their mother-relationship, or the lack of one. They, like the girls, start out their romantic lives flying blind and this is a social disgrace. By the time they grow into adults, both genders can be so romantically conflicted, so driven by ego misdirection and spiritual insufficiency that like their parents, they are also incapable of teaching their own children about romantic love. —And the beat goes on. Generation after generation, human beings are not told a whit of truth about love, romantic or otherwise. Most people go to their graves without ever figuring it out.

You, too, with negative energy left over from a failed romance, have been a victim of ignorance. It’s time to change all that.

Men and women have little-to-no understanding of one another. They really are different kinds of humans. Women mistakenly believe that men think like them, and men are completely baffled by female irrationality, often overwhelmed by the fantasy-based expectations and the outright ownership that many women require. There is often a meeting of body parts without a meeting of the minds. Come to know that you cannot expect a woman to think like a man and you cannot expect a man to feel the way a woman feels. You have to learn to be open to, and understand, the other person’s point of view. And then―don’t argue with them about their position and do not carry an argument about it in your own mind.

We have to make sure our mutual communications with a romantic partner are frequent, truthful, and “on the same page.” Daydreams and wishes—including calling a psychic to find out what the other person is thinking about you so you can strengthen your illusion— are worse than useless. When you are not talking with a “partner” in person…then you are having a relationship in your head. Stop doing that. And…when it all goes South on you, take a look at what happened: could you have made this relationship up in your mind? Many times, many timeswe do exactly that. Which means we grieve for something that never really was. This openly invites negative energy into our lives.

Whether a man or a woman, people in a break-up will often show great ignorance about the reason for the relationship failure. “I was so good to her!” “I love him so much!” “Why doesn’t my love change him!?” the woman wails. “Why doesn’t my love heal and save her?” the man laments, because society has taught him that’s what a good, lovable guy does.

Relationships today commonly consist of a giver and a taker instead of two people who give-and-take, which is necessary for a positive relationship. Seldom do we see equality in that department because the fact is, the overwhelming majority of romantic relationships are dysfunctional, even when they look good on the surface.

An imbalance of give and take is an imbalance of power. One partner has power over the other, which makes the other partner dis-empowered. Not a healthy situation, to say the least, making both of them losers in the bargain. And while women who link up with psychopaths and narcissists and abusers make the mistake of looking for a “strong man” or a “charming romantic” (woe the fairy tale fallacy!) men at the same level of psychological development will look for an emotional wreck or a helpless maiden to rescue. And of course, there is the woman who looks for a wounded man and the man who looks for the femme fatale, as well. These choices say a lot about our personal dysfunctions but they have nothing to do with love. They do reveal how often we confuse “imitation love” for the real thing.

Love cannot change a snake into a kitten. Nature made both snakes and kittens and each species has their own right to be, regardless of our opinion or intervention. I know people who hate snakes so much they would try to turn every one into a kitten, if they thought they could. And when it comes to romantic relationships, there are countless men and women involved with unloving, damaged, or psychopathic partners who are trying to do something very similar to this: change them into what they are not. Now, if you treat a rattlesnake like a kitten, you might not like what happens.

The person you hook up with is what he or she is. Come to know what he or she is before you get involved and before you invest your heart and soul into a relationship. Don’t get involved with someone that’s too flawed right now to be a good partner and think your love will change them, over time. It will not. Your fantasies and denials are not reality and they will cause you to suffer, leaving your auric body wide open to negative spiritual influence.

The Third Law of Romantic Attraction is this: If you argue with reality you will suffer. It is what it is.

Respect what is…and don’t fantasize about what it might be or could have been. You cannot make a person into what they are not, no matter how much emotion you feel for them. Next time, align yourself with a partner that is equal, openly willing, ready, and whole. Or take a pass.

To Let Go, You Don’t “Need to Understand” and You Don’t “Need to be Understood”

One of the biggest obstacles to getting over a romantic breakup is the “I have to understand!!” and the “I need to be understood” chorus. Oh, yes, it’s a song, all right, a kind of funeral dirge, played out in the lives of millions of people every minute of every day. Like the old tale about the Pied Piper of Hamelin who spirited away young children into a cave, this is a song that mesmerizes lonely hearts, seducing them into wandering away from the safety of daylight reality into a mental prison of their own making.

Even when they are told the logical and inescapable reasons why the relationship ended, people won’t hear it; they will still assert that they don’t understand. The obvious reasons for the breakup can be understood by an objective observer but not by the lovelorn. And how is it that you can give someone every reason the relationship failed, show them the undeniable facts, but they still don’t understand? Obviously, the problem has nothing to do with an understanding of why the relationship went wrong. Here, it is a matter of exegetics…unmasking the true meaning of what they say. They say they need to understand but the truth is, that’s not what they want. What they want is for the harsh reality associated with the breakup to go away. What they don’t understand…is why it won’t.

Unmasking what you’re really seeking, then, is to realize that the understanding you need is to understand yourself, instead of the other person. How did you let this relationship happen? How did you contribute to this situation? Why did you choose to give your heart to this person? What does this experience teach you about yourself? How can you help yourself grow beyond this disappointment and make better choices next time?

Something good has come from this. It’s up to you to discover that; to give credit where it is due, and be thankful for the experience.

When you can’t accept closure unless you can “understand” things, this doesn’t mean that closure hasn’t already happened. It has. It’s done. The relationship is over and it isn’t your right to declare it unfinished when the other person has chosen to exit. Your lack of understanding, then, is not a justification for hanging on…for not letting go.

In this case, you could easily become a negative energy generator, radiating unwanted attention to your “ex” and thus, send out negative energy to him or her. You may be engaging in psychic stalking as you obsess, and wonder, and hope-against-hope that things will change. This in turn will fill your own energy body with lower frequencies, which manifest as bad energy in your life. You will become the energy that you generate, so beware of feeling justified in your resentment, rage, self-pity, and bitterness.

Once again, relationships don’t need your permission or understanding in order to end. Love cannot be negotiated. It is not a treaty. It is not something to be contested. That’s just the way it is.

The end of this relationship is not the end of the world. If you refuse to let go, if you insist on being stuck, life will move along without you, the other person will move along without you…everything will move ahead…but you will be sitting there, stuck, stuck in your self-imposed misery with negative energy to keep you company.

Fortunately, life will teach us that our petulant insistence holding on to what does not belong to us, gets us nowhere. We are not rewarded for this behavior and no one is listening to our self-pity, anyway. We could save ourselves a lot of wasted time by not going there in the first place, and live by the Fourth Law of romantic attraction, instead.

The Fourth Law of Romantic Attraction is this: Every Soul is a sovereign, free being. A love relationship does not give either partner ownership over the other. Your consent to end a relationship is never required.

Your understanding and acceptance is not required. You and the other person have every right to end the relationship without acceptance or approval by the other. You and the other partner have a spiritual, moral, and ethical responsibility to let go with grace, without bitterness, and without projecting injurious energy onto the other or into yourself.

Genuine love cannot, does not, and will not ever intentionally injure another person, including an “ex”. If you cannot refrain from negative projection, then you didn’t love that person…at all…and you certainly have no rightful claim over them.

Energy Cleansing for Failed Relationships

Your emotions influence your energy field, and upsetting emotions over a romantic breakup will at least temporarily lower your psychic shields. Prolonged negative emotions will have a more harmful effect so in knowing this, perhaps you’ll be more motivated to not linger but to move forward and get your life back on track.

Depending on the depth of your involvement with a past partner, it may not be just your own energy that you have to contend with. Energetic entwining from strong emotional attachment and sexual contact can lead to transference of negative energy from the person that you were with. If you suspect this has happened, then you can begin to clear out this unwanted energy through several methods.

1. Take back your power.
Remember who you used to be before this relationship and reconnect to the way you were before this person came into your life. Be your individual self again!! Envision your life without the old partner. Reinforce your independence of thought, life habits, and discontinue any emotional dependencies you had as well as removing thoughts, reminiscences, and dates of special occasions specific to that person. In time, once you are healed and have your power back, thinking about this person occasionally, without emotional attachment, should not have a negative influence over you.

2. Pull your energy away from the former lover.
To sever psychic connections and to heal, don’t let yourself think about that person because your energy flows out with your thoughts, which in this case will strengthen the energetic knots that keep the energetic association intact. Imagine in your mind that you are “pulling” all of your energy out of, and away from this person, and see yourself taking back all the parts of yourself that you gave away. Say out loud, “I sever all ties to this person, I call my energy back into myself. I demand that any energy from this person that is attached to me, be removed from me, and returned to their owner.” Avoid places you went together, remove reminders, that person’s belongings and gifts, and scrub your environment of those influences.

3. Cleanse your aura.
Unless medically contraindicated, take salt baths daily, up to two weeks, to clear your head and cleanse your aura. Use ½ cup of regular sodium table salt (not Epsom salts, which is magnesium) per tub of water. Have a daily meditation as a spiritual practice. Reach out to your own Soul, the innermost Divine aspect of you, for cleansing, protection, and healing. Have a sacred cleansing ceremony, using sage smoke to clean your aura. Put your emotions in a positive polarity and think positive, hopeful things about your life. Do healthy things that make you feel happy, energetic, and peaceful again.

One last thing: even with the greatest care taken, even with conscientious dating practices and sincere reciprocal emotional involvement, love relationships can fail. There are no guarantees. This is life. Love is a risk that we take because the expression of love is central to our true Being. Succeed or fail, these relationships contain the mighty power to make us grow, expand, mature, and evolve. In the end, we are better for the experience. In situations of genuine love, the Divine has been the supernatural force at work in our lives, opening us to the discovery of our Souls through the transformation of our hearts, and the inestimable lessons that come with the joys and sorrows of love.

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36 replies on “How to Get Rid of Negative Energy from a Romantic Relationship Gone Bad”

From the time my marriage ended approximitly 21 years ago I have been stuck unable to actually move on. My life has liturally been in a state of limbo. Ive been seeking for understanding for answers and Today I have been led to your website. I just knew inside my heart that the answer was going to be simple uncomplicated and clear. Reguardless of the number of years I have been tangled and caught up in this non existent form of existing. Gathering and learning things here and there over time, always seeing the words Let Go and move on. Today I am able to hear these words and I GET IT!!

Thank you for sharing what you do. I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, Crystal, for sharing with us. How wonderful that you are allowing yourself to move on and live your life in the present moment, with all possibilities before you! Many blessings and continued healing. <3

This article had me in tears. I have tried, and tried, and tried, and am coming to realize that perhaps there is nothing I can be or do to make it happen. I have to let it go. If it’s meant to be, he will come back without it causing me so much suffering. Because even if he did come back after me doing a ton of hard work and him doing none, I’m afraid all the hard work will make me scared to ever let go of my “investment”, no matter what happens. I don’t want it to be that way. Whatever the form our relationship takes, I want to feel secure and that we are on equal footing. So I’ve decided to do my best to match the level of investment he gives me- and if we end up together, to continue that balance. I’ve done enough work.

It’s not so cut and dried to where I can cut him out. He is one of my best friends, we are part of the same circle, and (right now) he brings immense value to my life. He has gotten me out of huge medically-related jams I could’ve never managed on my own, defended me when others treated me badly, given me great advice and many laughs. A wonderful friend. But doesn’t want me romantically, or he’d let me know. He’s direct when he wants something. So while I can’t cut all ties, I will meditate on cutting the romantic ones. If you can make a friendship work after a breakup, it’s rare, and perhaps I should feel blessed.

But it is tough, because romance is my weakness, and despite failed 1st date after 1st date with men who are not ready (and men are put off if you try to vet them too much in online dating, so you just have to go on the date and waste the in-person time…thankfully I’ve managed to discover huge dealbreakers by date 2), to the point where it’s a mind-numbing blur, I don’t have much hope for ever finding love again. That makes it harder to let the one I do love go. But I know I need to simply accept the gift of his friendship, and keep telling myself that if I never find love again, that’s ok. Despite everyone around me acting or telling me otherwise, romantic love is not necessary to be completed. If I’m left out of social events because it’s “couples only”, that’s their problem, not mine. I live in a big city; there are always new people to connect with as friends to hang out with (if not make romantic connections with because the available singles are simply not relationship material), and I’m caring and a lot of fun, so I’m pretty sure I can get my invites elsewhere.

I’m proud of my strength; I don’t think most people I know could’ve lasted being single as long as I have; at this point they would’ve just thrown themselves at *someone* to not be alone. Thank you for this post. I will save and reread again and again.

Your self-honesty and courage is refreshing. Thanks so much for sharing, and great gifts will come to you. Blessings.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. We started off with him chasing me, going out of the way to make things work, comforting me even in times I am unreasonable.
During those times, I unintentionally took advantage of that by showing mood swings, expressing my anger fully, not really caring if he would leave me. In the end, this hurt him more than
I thought it would and he started to lose feelings of being with me. He was still in love and communicated with me, but he got firmer with me. I apologized and made things right again by
saying I will watch the boundaries and be more respectful. Then we officially started a relationship but it has been rocky ever since because I would still make mistakes like that and he
didn’t have the same patience for me anymore. Now after many months, he doesn’t make the same effort and every fight we have or long talks we have about our relationship, he
tells me that he wants to break up and be alone. More than 10 times, I reasoned with him and said we should work on it and he apologizes about what he said then it happens again. He always
tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me but what’s happening between us is unhealthy and he doesn’t want THAT in his life. So we agree to work on THAT then we becomes loving
and affection and a good boyfriend again.
I realized that he isn’t as romantic as he used to be and I asked if him today if that’s a reflection of how he feels about us. He told me he doesn’t want to talk about. I dug deeper and he got angry and told me that he doesn’t feel the same way as the beginning and doesn’t have the motivation to try to make an effort to be romantic, and that he is just giving it time to let his feelings of being romantic come naturally as we just try to sustain our relationship. As I talked with him about it, we ended up arguing. He said again that he wants to break up and it’s always on his mind. I let him cool down and again, he said he just doesn’t like when I’m digging and having such serious conversations because he feels pressured. I told him I wasn’t trying to fight but to understand why he stopped being romantic and things changed. Things got better and he left for work but I have such an anxious feeling that won’t go away. I told him I won’t trigger him and instead just tell him what I want and he said that he prefers that. I just don’t know how to deal now with the insecurity that he wants to break up with me. I know I have things to work on as well so
I am trying to keep the relationship not so heavy for him because I tend to talk everyday about an issue or a thought I have about us and he said it drains him and triggers him. What can I do about this dynamic? What should I do about the anxiety that I feel from him constantly thinking of breaking up?

Thank you..

Jean, your situation is not uncommon. Many other young women and young men are caught in similar dynamics. This arises from a lack of early training in life and interpersonal skills. My first suggestion is that you obtain counseling, for there are deeper issues going on with you. Perhaps you did not get much parental love, guidance, and discipline …and having someone to talk things out with would be beneficial for you at this time.

Did you ever stop to realize that a boyfriend is not a “complaint desk”? –OR your therapist? Most young women don’t know this and they treat their boyfriends as you have done, spilling out every secret thought and insecurity, hoping that he will fix them/make it all better. Somehow.

To you and to all women who read this website I say: men do not want to–and cannot–dissect your feelings or have you dissect theirs! Men are very different animals and they do not think or feel like you and they cannot think or feel like you.

You, sweet reader, need to cut him a break and step back. You may speak to a girlfriend, a counselor, a stuffed animal or to the wall about your insecurities and anxieties but you may not beat your boyfriend over the head with them. –In fact, only a mere mention is allowed…and only one of those, once per year, is your entire, total allotment. Nor are you to suffocate him with apologies after-the-fact. Words are cheap. Actions of reform are the only currency of communication accepted.

Your problems are yours, not his. Now this very mention will send you into yet another panic, so stop right there with your first exercise in self-control. Practice self-control. You can start by understanding why he thinks about “breaking up”. Of course he does! Who wouldn’t? And if he does, then you will LIVE and LEARN and MOVE ON. He is not the only man for you, so take a breath. Your desperation is your worst enemy and if you do not deal with the truth in all its forms and begin to love and nurture yourself, to heal yourself from the deep inner insecurity that plagues you, then this situation will keep repeating throughout your life.

Maybe you are not ready for a relationship. That’s OKAY! Someday you will be!!! (And when that day comes, you will be presented with the perfect partner because that’s how life works. It really, truly does.) There is a huge world out there with amazing things to be discovered. He should not be the total center of your existence, so get busy about healing yourself and do more giving of yourself to a wider area of interest and in time, you will come to see what a blessing this relationship was, that it wasn’t about what you thought it was…but something far greater and more important to you.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Practice self-discipline, develop many other interests, read about men (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus would be a start) and have patience with yourself. This relationship is not an emergency. It is an opportunity of a lifetime to learn and to grow…and to one day be the love and peace that you seek. Many blessings to you, and thanks for sharing.

have always been insecure about sharing this but… in 2016 i dated a guy id known for 3 years before that. he confessed that he liked me a few times but id always brushed it off until some moment in 2016 when i began to feel romantic attraction to him… we became good friends and he eventually asked me if we could date. i said yes. during that time, 2015-2016, i was recovering from a severe eating disorder and my state of mind wasn’t the best, but when i was with him i felt alright and comforted, especially when he hugged me… then in June 2016 my condition had worsened and i broke up with him, sending him negative messages which made him really sad and offended, and then i blocked him out after my family moved. Now were back in this city and i see him at school.. i realize that i might still have feelings for him, but I’m just so unsure. i keep on blaming myself for ruining everything before, telling myself I’m disgusting and horrible and unworthy of love, and i feel like if i talk to him more or tell him that hell voice all my beliefs about myself, telling me that I’m horrible and unworthy… i don’t know what to do and it feels like all the negativity i feel and thoughts about him and my mistake are eating me alive. i can’t even function in class because i think about him. i don’t know what to do I’m so unsure !!!! :(( he’s already talking to other girls and seemingly has bonds with them, and we don’t talk much at all…. i feel so guilty and horrible about myself as if i have ruined my only chance at love and I’m now unworthy of love or anything….. i don’t know what to do i feel so terrible. do you have any advice?

Well, yes, Dasha, I do.

You need to talk this out with a counselor or an older person who is wise, that you trust. For now, my advise to you is to step back from your tormenting thoughts and ask yourself, “Can I change this?” You cannot change him, can you? –Why would you want to? Have you considered that in the Soul Path of your life, you were not meant to be involved with him beyond a certain time period? That maybe your Soul has a better plan for you, moving forward? –I can assure you that this is so. Can you see that you could not help yourself at the time you broke up with him? That you were having all kinds of problems you couldn’t do anything about at the time? Can you accept that you did not make a mistake, but INSTEAD were suffering from an illness?

Stop blaming yourself in this way!! Life happens. Things go wrong, but eventually we are destined to discover that this changed our course in a positive direction even when we couldn’t see it in the moment.How do you know the right partner is not yet ahead of you? I assure you that this is so. This boy was not and is not your “only chance at love”! The truth is, you are not meant for him nor him for you, because if it were right it would work out. Don’t weep over that which you cannot change. Such a terrible waste of energy! Such needless suffering!!

I advise you to seek out counseling, perhaps at school, and allow someone to help you through this time of confusion. Your thoughts are messed up, Dasha. Think about what I’ve said here, and let go and live your life without regret. Blessings to you.

I was in a 4 month relationship which just recently ended abruptly and totally unexpectedly. Within a few weeks of starting the relationship, i started constantly having a bad and uneasy gut feeling after every time I saw him, I felt completely ungrounded (like i was floating in space) and dizzy… I couldn’t focus and felt like I wasn’t in my own body anymore. I figured this was me just being nervous about being in a new relationship…and thinking that this guy was finally “the one”.
He was recently divorced and had two kids… every time i even just thought about his old relationship and how it ended really badly, i felt physically ill..so much so that even driving past near the suburb his ex lives in made me feel nauseous.
I am already aware that i am by nature an empath and highly sensitive to other people’s emotions.. After he decided to suddenly withdraw from me without warning (and basically wanted ME to break up with him, because he didn’t have the guts to do it himself), I came to realize that all this “bad energy” I was feeling, comes down to the possibility that I was just absorbing all his emotional bad energy.
It’s been a month since we split up, but I still feel like this dark energy, especially regarding his ex wife and their break-up, is still clawing itself to my insides. I’ve tried cleansing myself and meditating … but I feel like i can’t get rid of this “dark force”(sorry if I sound cheesy..)… It’s not even about him, it’s like I’ve accidentally absorbed all his bad energy. I don’t know what to do to get rid of it. It keeps creeping up every now and then, and it’s still so bad that I feel physically ill.
Do you have any advice on what I could do to get rid of this? Thank you x

Recently divorced as in a couple of years ago…
Please note that there is obviously a lot more to the whole story about this relationship, but I tried to keep it short and focus on why I am so affected by *his* bad experiences/emotions/memories etc…

Connie, thanks for commenting. Has it occurred to you that you can control your focus, and thereby change your thoughts? Whatever his experiences were/are, they are not yours. It really is this simple. If you can’t let go…you’re 1) not believing you should; 2) not sufficiently focused on your own, new life; 3) not watching where your thoughts take you and then; 4) not taking action to correct them. It’s not complicated. You are in charge of your life and your thoughts but the question that you need to ask yourself is, “Do I know that it’s up to me what I choose to focus on?” And finally, this article is pretty comprehensive. Read it again, carefully, and it should be of help to you.

Connie, I answered your other comment before finding this one. See this article on smudging and this article on positive energy for more information about getting yourself clear. There are also other articles on this website that will offer healing and help to you. Thanks so much for commenting, and peace and healing be yours.

Hi there
Try cord cutting… It’s basically attaching an item that carries his energy and a item of yours to a string or ribbon…and then cutting the cord with love and wishing him only goodness if life. I felt so much lighter after this experience it’s only been 3 days but it takes time for the negative energies to release… Good luck xx

Hi, Chantal.

I’m glad you’re feeling better. I appreciate your intentions here, as well, however, “Cord-cutting” as practiced in this way is no substitute for the profound psychological work needed. Nor is it a substitute for energetic cleansing unless the relationship-to-be-severed is more psychologically and energetically shallow. These techniques are more of a gimmick, and sometimes they work because of the power of suggestion and belief, but in most cases the changes will not be permanent. I hope for you that your improvement continues but if not, the suggestions in this article are a fallback for you. Thanks so much for commenting!

I haven’t been able to stop reading since I found this site by accident last night. So overly impressed,..this is refreshingly unique and honestly direct. Consider me a new follower And Fan! Would love to work with you 1 on 1.

So glad to have you here! We can work together, of course; when you’re ready you can order a session here on the site. Thanks for sharing your words and your honest energy. Blessings to you!

Nothing in life is all black or white, but black AND white and endless shades of gray. Although profoundly true, that won’t make any sense to you, so let me put it this way: we live in a world where people cannot find solutions to anything because they entangle themselves in webs of misdirected thought, mostly induced by their own faulty reasoning or that of others. The overwhelming majority of discussion and so-called “problem solving” is the Hegelian Dialectic on fire, a veritable eruption of confusion and circular thought that leads–not to not to truth and to solutions–but to ambiguity, confusion, darkness, blame, instability, insecurity, victimization, indifference to corruption and susceptibility to outside control. Nothing is clear to most people (unless they are strictly one-dimensional thinkers who live and die by rigid dogma), because they don’t know who they are anymore and don’t know what they stand for.

Our convoluted minds make things complicated for ourselves and when simple truth presents itself we say, “it’s not that black and white”. We give ourselves an excuse to remain further entangled in the drama while we paint on and on, and on, dabbling with our exalted shades of gray as we try to create “fine art” out of our assorted miseries and all those private dysfunctions we’ve taught ourselves to cherish. They have become extensions of who we believe ourselves to be.

If what you mean to say is that each situation is unique and the answers are not one-size-fits-all–specifically the suggestions in this post are of no help you–then it’s up to you to discover what is right for yourself. Your first task is one of brutal self-honesty, as never-before experienced. What are you hiding behind? What are you afraid to admit, to see, to change?

Far more often that one may care to realize, things are as plain as the nose on your face. Answers are just that simple. And the reason many of us cannot help ourselves heal, is that we cannot stop complicating our thoughts enough to discover the bottom line. There is always a bottom line if there is courage enough to find it.

Thanks so much, Mary, for taking the time to comment.

I agree with all you have shared. It is so true. It’s the best way I have ever read an explaination. I do thank you because I understand myself now and what. I have to .

Im so miserable. I am trying to let go of my negativity and follow these steps but I just don’t understand. I feel like what Ive gone through romantically and as a person has turned me into a walking corpse. My energy is so entwined I dont know how to let it go & get rid of it but I will keep reading over and over. Ive already had a suicide attempt, but Im alive & I KNOW it has to be for a special reason. My heart & soul are too good to be polluted and I will keep fighting until I find my happiness I hope

Well, now, there you go: “My heart & soul are too good to be polluted and I will keep fighting”…you know the truth!! You already have the answers inside you. What you are struggling with are the emotions, and this too, will pass. Please DO read my articles on “Understanding and Coping with Emotions”, all three parts. Along with self-help, please get professional counseling to get you through these tough times.

Right now, Bobby, what you are calling energy is really emotion. And yes, it will heal with time. Be patient with yourself, while working with a therapist for support. There is much — oh so much!! —wonderful life ahead of you. Your life is so very precious, it’s time to practice self-love, and treat yourself with care. Romantic pain is very difficult…so many go through it…we understand. Your heart and soul are very good, and no one is worth what you’ve put yourself through. Time to be your own best friend. Much love, and all good things bless your life.

Hi Diana! I wrote my post in Feb at a time I was so depressed and suicidal. It is now June and since then, I have kept myself busy finding new hobbies and passions. Ive began going to the Gym eating better and doing art again. It took me a while to get out of my emotions and funk but its happening! Ive begun to actually open up about everything Ive gone through in life, and as a person by doing what I love. Writing. Its funny because in my 28 years of Life I have NEVER been taught to love myself. You are absolutely right, sometimes my emotions drown me bc Im a water sign but to heal I had to learn to swim & truly begin to love myself. This is actually the first Year I can say Im proud to be the skin Im in and I am learning so much about myself. Thank you for being there for Me and everything You do Diana I am so grateful for Your advice. Ive never had a mother or father figure teach me selflove or any of these types of things & bc of people like You Im not just alive but im learning to LIVE again! ❤️ With all my Love

So proud of you, Bobbie!! With Love right back to you! Divine Spirit rejoices and I do, too. Thank you for living and being. We are all better for having you on the planet. Write, share, and change lives while you heal, celebrate, and love your own.

Thanks so much for sharing with us.

I have no words to explain what this article has done for me. Or how it has opened my mind, in a major way! Well done. And, BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for letting me know you have benefited. 🙂 I hope there are other articles on this site that will help, as well. Blessings, and continued truth be yours. Walk in beauty.

Hello am Amelia thank you for the wonderful inspirations to find myslelf. It has been really helpful I have I always wondered why after staying with some group of friends I fell my happiness has been taken and I absorb their worries. Am really grateful thank you

Beautifully put. I needed this today and found you and your light…almost like a beacon. I’m not in a financially secure situation right now but will be reading your posts and when time comes I will contribute

I needed this! It’s as though you are speaking directly to me. Thank you for writing this blog.

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